Stardust and black feathers
by Fantony
Summary: Set after 8x08 and inspired by the song "Vincent" by Don McLean. When Castiel appears in Dean's dream saying he needs to see him, Dean drives back as fast as possible to Oklahoma City. But has Castiel made him come just to look at the stars with him? Death fic/ Suicide / Season 8 spoilers /Light Destiel only at the end of the fic, the rest can be read as friendship.


**Plot**: Set after 8x08. When Castiel appeared in Dean's dream saying he needed to see him, Dean comes as fast as possible. But was it really just to look at the stars together?

**Warning**: Death fic / Suicide. Season 8 spoilers. Light Destiel to come at the end of the fic only (the rest can be read as friendship).

**Note**: Inspired by Castiel's words in 8x08 "I'm afraid I might kill myself" and by the song "Vincent" by Don McLean, which is a favourite of mine and could be heard in 7x23. This will be a two chapters fic, and I'm almost done with chapter 2 (which will be shorter) so I'll be able to post it soon.

**Just like my previous SPN fic about suicide, I dedicate this one-shot to my husband who died at 34 in hospital last August, three weeks after his 10th suicide attempt, leaving me alone with our little boy. Whatever the rain and the clouds, no one should ever take their own life, because the sun's always hidden somewhere. Never let go…**

**RIP Tony…**

_**Please keep in mind that I'm French, hence the English mistakes**__** ;) **_

* * *

**STARDUST AND BLACK FEATHERS**

**Chapter 1. **

"Dammit!"

Dean had been hammering on the bay window for more than five minutes and he was starting to lose patience. The lights finally went on in the hall and a beautiful young nurse with red curly hair appeared and unlocked the door.

"About time!" Dean muttered to himself.

"Sir, visits are not allowed anymore at this time of the –"

"FBI!" Dean announced, showing his card to the nurse.

It had been five days since Dean and Sam had left Castiel watch over Fred Jones, and Dean had just had this weird dream earlier during which Castiel had appeared and said he needed to see him. Dean had then left Sam dealing with the case they were working on and he had driven back to Sunset Fields retirement home as fast as he could.

The nurse reluctantly let him in.

"Thanks," he paused, glancing at her name tag, "Suzie. I need to talk to Fred Jones."

"Sure," she said and Dean gave her his _I knew I was irresistible_ smile. "Come back tomorrow at 9.00"

Dean's smile vanished.

"What?!" He said, incredulously.

"Listen, it's past midnight, Mr Jones has been sleeping for nearly three hours. It's a retirement house, not a night club, you know?" she smirked.

"Yeah, right, sorry…" Dean mumbled. "Maybe you can still help me. I gotta see my partner, he was supposed to keep an eye on Fred after the recent events…"

"Oh, yeah… The handsome man in a trench coat, right?" the nurse asked, a slight flush on her face.

Dean felt a hint of jealousy.

"Yeah, I guess that sounds like him."

"You know, people spread rumours about him..."

"You might want to be more specific," Dean said, raising an eyebrow.

Suzie looked around her, and lowered her voice although they were the only two persons around.

"Weird things have happened since he arrived here..."

"Like?"

"Like Mrs Piotrowski recovering from a very bad pneumonia overnight, or," she paused, making sure she had all his attention, "Mr Jones back to his feet after nine years in a wheelchair..."

Dean gave a short, nervous laugh.

"Well, at least he won't need you anymore to wipe his ass!"

Suzie looked daggers at him and he cleared his voice in embarrassment.

"People think he might be the new Jesus..." she went on.

Dean nearly choked on surprise.

"Oh, no, believe me! He's not the Messiah, he's a very naughty boy!" He said with a malicious smile.

"Excuse me?"

"It's a Monty Python quote," Dean explained, silently blaming the nurse for her lack of humour. "Life of Brian? No? Oh well, never mind! So, is the other agent in Fred's room?"

"I don't think so. You've got more chance of finding him in the garden. He usually waits for Mr Jones to fall asleep, then he borrows the old man's radio cassette player and he goes outside and listens to music. I wonder if he ever sleeps at all..."

Dean followed Suzie's indications and made his way outside. She was right. Castiel was sitting on a bench, listening to music and Dean felt a huge relief when he saw his silhouette in the darkness.

« Hello, Dean…" Castiel greeted him without even looking at him. He then turned to face him and gave him his most beautiful smile. "I'm glad you came…"

"Cas. I saw you in my dream. I called you a hundred times and you never answered my prayers. What the hell is going on with you?"

"I needed to see you."

Dean was getting a bit irritated.

"And couldn't you zap your ass to me?! You freaked me out, dude! I thought something really bad had happened! Do you know how many hours I drove to come and see you?!"

"I couldn't _zap_ to you. I couldn't leave Fred on his own. Not yet, at least. I'm sorry I got you worried, Dean."

"Yeah, well… What did you want to see me for, then?"

"Why don't you just sit here a little while?" Castiel asked, indicating the empty space next to him.

Dean didn't know what to think. He was torn between the relief to see Castiel was ok, and the anger and the impatience the angel's behaviour inspired him. Anyway, he sat next to Castiel. A soft breeze began to blow, caressing his face and hair, and he almost regretted having left his jacket in the Impala. He glanced at Castiel. It was so dark he could barely distinguish his features but from what he could see, Castiel seemed to be sad and drawn, or maybe he was just imagining this?

"Isn't it beautiful?" Castiel finally said, as he looked up at the stars.

That was too much for Dean.

"Listen Cas, I don't want to be rude, but you didn't make me drive all this way just to look at the stars, did you?!" he yelled.

"Dean, I appreciate your concern, but when I appeared in your dream and told you I needed to see you, I never said why. I never said I was in danger or anything. I just said I needed to see you, that's all."

That was true, Dean thought. Castiel even seemed serene in his dream. But he always overreacted when it came to the angel…

"But you knew I'd be there as soon as possible!" Dean protested.

"Yes, because apparently, I'm one of the godforsaken things you care about," Castiel replied with a genuine smile. _(1)_

"Cas, you impossible son of a bitch!" Dean growled, recognizing his own words.

Castiel's smile widened and his perfectly aligned teeth seemed to glow in the dark.

"Is it that bad to spend a little time with me and enjoy the simple things life has to offer?"

He was right, once again, Dean told himself, and he couldn't help but finding the angel touching, in his own weird way.

"No, it's not…" Dean replied, with tenderness in his voice.

When was the last time he truly took the time to look at the stars? He couldn't even remember… But sweet memories from his childhood came flooding back into his mind. Him. Sam. Summer road trips with their dad. The wonderful scent of roasted marshmallows. And the three of them lying on the grass next to the Impala and staring at the stars, John explaining how to recognize Cassiopeia and the Great Bear…

"And you're right, Cas, the sky is beautiful tonight."

The song ended and for what must have been the fifth time at least, Castiel rewound to its beginning. Dean gave him an amused smile.

"Nothing beats good old tapes!"

And even though Castiel knew nothing about the joy of manually rewinding a tape with a pencil, he returned the smile.

"_Starry starry night, paint your palette blue and gray…"_

« Don McLean, huh ?" Dean asked. He had recognized the song as soon as he had arrived, but it was just to make conversation. "Don't you have something a little more… Rock'n'roll?"

"No, I only listen to this song," the angel replied in a detached tone.

Dean rolled his eyes.

"Ok… So let's just listen to it and enjoy the insanely joyful lyrics," he said ironically.

"Those lyrics are pure poetry, Dean," Castiel protested.

"Yeah, well. Bon Scott _(2)_ also wrote poetry…" Dean mumbled, more to himself than to Castiel. "Anyway, wasn't it the song you were listening to in that car not long before our Honey Moon in Purgatory? You know, when you were having your little PETA activist period? »

Castiel smiled.

"Yes, that's the one. It's about Vincent Van Gogh. I heard it first during a Simpsons episode and it's been my favourite song since, I spend whole evenings listening to it."

"Wait… You thought Bugs Bunny was an insect-rabbit hybrid, but you know who the Simpsons are?!" Dean scoffed.

"Yes, I watched the show everyday on the mental hospital's common room TV…"

There was a long silence. Dean had hated that time. He had been relieved that Sam was freed from his Lucifer hallucinations of course, but it had torn his heart to leave Castiel alone in such a state. Yes, he had yelled at him a numerous time for being unable to focus on something else than the bees and the monkeys, but he was above all worried to death.

"So," he said, breaking the silence that made him uncomfortable, "that's what you've been up to during the past few days? Listening to this song over and over again while watching the stars, oh, and giving that old Fred Jones a pair of brand new legs? Was it because it wasn't easy for him to play Twister with you in a wheelchair?" he smirked.

"No. He missed tap- dancing."

"Of course, he missed tap-dancing."

Dean made his usual _You must be kidding me_ face. He stood up and turned his back at Castiel, taking a long breath and trying to keep calm.

"Cas, you do realize people may find that a little bit _unusual_ that bedridden Fred Jones suddenly turns into Fred Astaire _(3)_, right? You can't draw attention to yourself like that, dude! That could be dangerous for us! Why do you think we use fake identities all the time and always cover our tracks, huh? People are already saying you're the new Jesus!"

"Are they?" Castiel asked with a satisfied smile. He was apparently both amused and proud.

"Yeah! So what's your next move, huh? Feeding the whole retirement home with a breadcrumb at breakfast tomorrow?!" _(4) _

Castiel let out a long sigh.

"Dean… I just wanted to help. I just wanted to feel…" he paused, as if he was trying hard to find the most appropriate word, "_useful_… "

There was so much sadness in the angel's voice that it nearly broke Dean's heart. He turned to face Castiel again and a wave of fear instantly washed over his face…

**To be continued, obviously…**

* * *

_(1) Allusion to what Dean tells Cas at the end of 8.07 "I don't need to feel like hell for failing you, ok? For failing you like I've failed every other godforsaken thing that I care about!"_

_(2) Bon Scott was a member of AC/DC. He died in 1980. _

_(3) Fred Astaire was an American film and Broadway stage dancer, actor, singer… He was a particularly skilled tap-dancer. _

_(4) This is an allusion to Jesus who apparently fed a crowd of 5000 persons with only five loaves of bread. _

_**Thanks for reading! Reviews are always welcome! :) **_

**Published on December.13****th**** 2012**


End file.
